Autism: A Parent’s Viewpoint

When my son was born, he came out hungry, pudgy, and smiling.

Those big gummy smiles didn’t just brighten my world; they lifted the hearts of everyone around him. Being a stay-at-home father gave me the priceless gift of witnessing that joy every day, along with looking forward to all the milestones that came with it.

I was looking forward to the first time my son

Crawled

Took his first unassisted steps

Said his first words

But none of those happened. According to all the baby books I read, these things happen around a child’s first birthday. His first birthday came and went, and he still hadn’t uttered a single word. Instead of crawling, he was boot-scooting, and it was the beginning of my experience of bringing up a child with autism.

Here, I will explain what it’s like to raise a child with autism, with help from some of my friends who are battling a world that doesn’t understand how special their kids are.  

Signs Of Autism

This wasn’t the baby I had read about in the brochure.

They are all about caring for your child and recognizing signs of distress, but what happens if your child doesn’t talk or crawl? Not much advice there. He didn’t seem to care because he didn’t know any different.

But I cared.

I was looking forward to witnessing all the stuff ‘normal’ babies do, and wanted to experience the joy of his development. I felt shortchanged and frustrated waiting for the day my son uttered his first words and took his first steps.

Then I discovered the phrase’ developmental delay’. It refers to when children do not reach specific skills or milestones, such as crawling, walking, or talking with most other kids their age.

There are four types of developmental delays:

Physical (motor): Trouble crawling, walking, or using hands.

Speech and language: Slow to talk or understand words.

Social and emotional: Trouble connecting with others or showing feelings.

Cognitive (thinking and learning): Learning new things or solving problems slowly.

Note: Developmental delays can be an early sign of autism, but they don’t always mean a child has autism.

Amber, Nate’s mum, felt heartbroken when people brushed off her and Nate’s feelings as ‘normal.’

“When Nate was 2, I signed him up for a local day school, and he had a tough time going. Every parent I spoke to, and all the research I read, said that a kid being upset about being dropped off was normal. They said to give it a few weeks; they’ll run in before you know it,” explained Amber.

But it didn’t get any better, according to Amber, only worse.

“ So I would drop him off, see him cry and struggle to go in, then park my car and cry. It didn’t feel right, but as a new mom, people kept telling me this feeling was normal. Before long, a teacher pulled me aside and suggested that I get Nate tested for autism.”

Chris, the father of Fenrir 4, saw the signs early.

” Fenrir was born prematurely due to his low growth rate, but what was particularly interesting was his behavior in the womb. He would lie still and gently stroke the walls of the uterus, as if this movement provided him with comfort,” says Chris.

This behavior is known as stimming, which refers to repetitive actions that help individuals soothe themselves, regulate their emotions, and express themselves. Fenrir’s unusual behavior continued out of the womb, too.

“ When Fenrir was born, he immediately refused to let me look into his eyes. He hated eye contact. I knew this was a common trait for autistic people. This, coupled with his incredibly fussy feeding habits and extreme aversion to sleep, left me feeling utterly hollow,” explains Chris.

What is Autism?

Imagine being born into this world where you feel nothing is wrong with you, but people look at you strangely and shy away. People say you shouldn’t act this way, but it soothes you. Then, you soon realize that the way society operates around you is not for you.

Welcome to Autism Spectrum Disorder.

ASD is a condition that affects how people think, learn, communicate, and interact with the world around them. It’s a “spectrum” because people with it can experience it to varying degrees. Think of it like a dimmer switch—not just on or off, but with a range of intensity.

High-functioning kids on the lower end of the dimmer switch, like my son, can experience behaviors that the world doesn’t get. For example, he dislikes loud or crowded places and experiences a physical reaction that resembles a meltdown or temper tantrum.

When he was a pre-teen, he would rise on his tiptoes and flap his arms when he became overly excited or stimulated. My son was unaware, but I was, and I’d often tell him to stop something he couldn’t help doing.

I’d often get mad at him for things he couldn’t do. One time, he tried a puzzle where you fit shapes into the right holes, and he couldn’t figure it out. To me, it was the easiest thing in the world, but to him, it was impossible, and I lost my temper and made him cry.

I Wasn’t The Only Parent Struggling

Amber was also struggling to do the best for her child while battling an insensitive system.

“ When Nate was still under three, he had a hard time. He hit, pulled on hair and clothes, scratched, threw, etc. It was pretty severe, and he was in distress, though I couldn’t figure out why, ” explains Amber

But the advice she received was less than stellar.

“I asked the caseworker for her suggestion, and she said to turn away and avoid eye contact when he was going through these moments. I felt sick to my stomach when she said that. You do that with a dog when it’s jumping on you, but that’s not how you treat a child, ”

Have you considered how not only parents struggle to do what’s best for their child, but also blame themselves for their child’s autism? There was no blame on my part, but Chris played the blame game.   

“As you realize your child is disabled, you blame yourself. What did I do to cause the autism?

Are steroids for the induction that upped the risk of autism?

The one glass of wine?

Was it the fact that autism runs in my family?

Eventually, you realize your child is going to be autistic no matter what, and the child is there in front of you, so you might as well start prepping for a life with autism rather than playing the blame game,” says Chris.

Wrapping Up

The world needs more awareness of autistic kids, their guardians, and their daily struggles. Autism Awareness Month is a great start, but we need to stop blaming unlikely causes of autism and treating it like a horrendous disease that the medical profession must cure.

Instead, all systems and places that deal with autistic kids need to catch up on how special they are and to help the kids and guardians better navigate their world so these kids can thrive instead of hiding.

Further Information About Autism

To be better informed, start with the links below.

CDC – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (ASD Section)

A great starting point. Covers signs, diagnosis, early intervention, and helpful resources.

Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN)

Run by and for autistic people, ASAN provides a unique perspective. It offers plain-language resources, advocacy information, and respectful insight into the lived experience of autism.

Understood.org – For Learning and Thinking Differences

This site is fantastic for parents and educators. It explains autism in everyday language and offers practical tips for supporting children at home and in school.

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) – ASD Overview

More research-based, but still written in an accessible way. Suitable for understanding causes, symptoms, and treatment options.